The Origins of The Energy of Existence and The Law of Decent Behaviour
From atheist to agnostic. An exploration in ignorance and the natural law of the universe.
Looking up definitions of "spirituality" on the internet will yield many search results. But instead of doing that, let’s see what the word "spiritual" means to me, or what I think about when I hear the word. When someone is spiritual, to me, that means they have an aura of calmness, they have less sense or reliance on "the self" while at the same time being self-aware, zen-like, monk-like, sitting crossed legged on a mountain top in a robe chanting and humming mantras. This pretend person, is one with the universe, whatever that means. What do I mean by that? Well, they are connected to nature and understand the secrets of the universe, or at least, they are trying to learn or understand the deep insights of life and the cosmos. Shamans, the wise elders, healers, and sages. There is a mysticism to these people. They believe in a higher order or life-force that is guiding us along, that they feel connected to.
Bro, are you even spiritual?
Am I spiritual? When I was in my twenties, I probably thought I was. I would take psychedelics to have a good time. Not to ‘find myself’. I had “spiritual” experiences while on those drugs. At least that’s what they felt like. The feeling of oneness and being a part of something bigger and being connected to everyone and everything and feeling like it’s all going to work out for everyone no matter what. Although it could have just been the excess dopamine.
When I was in my early teens, I went to church with close family friends. My parents didn't attend, they weren't religious nor grew up religious. But they didn’t mind that I attend church. I went with our family friends because it gave me an opportunity to stay out of trouble, join the Scouts, and basically hang out with my friends from school, and become part of the Youth Group. I don’t remember talking about anything particularly religious while in Youth Group, maybe we did but I cannot recall. We would help out and volunteer at yard-sales and bake-sales. But then I got a bit older and it wasn’t fun anymore. When I was old enough, I had to stay in the congregation and listen to the priest instead of going to the youth group. My friends stop going so I stopped going. And that was my experience with church, overall it was fun.
The Urge to Create (the universe)
I used to think I was atheist. It was cool to not believe in God. I wasn't really sure what I believed but with the lack of evidence in my life and the social influence of my friends and peers and pop culture, I was sure that an all-knowing-all-powerful-universe-creating-being did not exist. Now, I’m not so sure. I like to read books and the more I read about the cosmos and the history of humans, the more I have this feeling that there is something behind the veil, as they say. I remember one time I was on drugs, MDMA or Mushrooms, or a ton of weed, I’m not sure. But I came up with this theory of the universe. That the power that created the Big Bang, was called, “The Urge to Create.” I saw and felt this energy that is constantly moving in the direction of life. That’s as far as I got with the idea, but I was sure I was onto something, and I was also quite stoned. But that idea has stuck with me ever since.
The Law of Nature
I read part of a book called, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Most of what I read was quite interesting. some of it I didn't agree with. Either I didn't understand his ideas or I simply thought they were wrong. But the one part of the book that did stand out to me was, the idea of Natural Law or The Law of Nature. And it goes a little something like this...Everyone, everywhere, anytime, has a feeling that people should act in a certain way. It may be hard to explain, but deep down people know what is usually right and what is usually wrong. For example, most people know intrinsically that stealing is wrong, that violence for the sake of pure violence is wrong, and that murder is wrong. Most people also believe that, when someone does something wrong there should be equal or less justice in regards to punishment of some kind, maybe karma or some type of authority implementing a due process of some kind. People should act decently to their fellow human. The reason this is called the Natural Law, is that we don't need to invoke a supernatural being to tell us about this decent behaviour. But then again, where did this deep down feeling come from that humans have, that give them a sense of what is usually right and usually wrong? That's where it gets interesting and confusing and complex and frustrating.
Consciousness is Everywhere
People for the most part don't act decent all the time, but at least they try. Trying is key here. If we don't try to act decent to each other, then we have Hell on Earth, and that's no es bueno for humanity. Then where the heck did this Law come from? Let’s play with this idea, if consciousness is a fundamental part of the universe, maybe that's where it comes from. if consciousness is a fundamental part of the universe, then we are all connected through this aether and this Law is a manifestation of this energy-of-existence and its way of self-preservation. Is that God? Oh man I don't know, this is getting heavy.
Understanding your own ignorance
At the tender age of 37, I can admit that I don't know if there is a God. I can admit that I am not an atheist. I will admit that I am a curious agnostic. How did we come to find this Natural Law? We didn't invent it, did we? Our ancient ancestors probably knew this as well. That it was in everyones best interest not to kill each other, much. Although back then I bet it was a bit less messy then it is now, probably because they didn't have the fancy tech to take everyone out. If they did maybe they would have, but I'd like to think they wouldn't. I think this Law of Natural Decent Moral Behaviour was always there for us to find. Where did it exist before we found it? Darwinian Evolution? A parallel dimension? God? This I do not know and will never be able to answer. But it sure is fun to think about.
Conclusion
I’m more spiritual now than I’ve ever been and I don’t do drugs anymore. Don’t drink anymore either. Funny enough, my sobriety may have helped me become more open to the possibility of the idea of a god. Not a grey-haired man watching everything we do and dishing out brownie points to people who worship him, what I mean is when I say the word “god” is a power or energy or consciousness that is self-preserving and is the background structure and architecture of human beings. Or any other life in the universe. We aren’t special. But we are at the same time.
I’m not done and need to bring more of these ideas out of me, feel free to leave a comment and help me figure all this out.
Until next time, stay conscious.